Pushing The Senses
by xx-animeXalchemist-xx
Summary: As Haruka contemplates all that has happened up until now, Rin shows up intent on taking him to Australia. Surely he can't be serious, but... maybe it's exactly what he needs.


**Given my practically obsessive love for **_**Free!**_** I am shocked and ashamed that, until now, I haven't actually written anything for the fandom. Well, first time for everything. Besides, as if I could resist the temptation to type something after that HaruRinRalia preview "n.n Free!ES episode 11, you were a god send for us Sharkbait shippers~**

**Pairing: HaruRin/RinHaru (though if you truly hate the pairing you could look upon it as close friendship, I guess)**

**Fun Fact: **I was listening to the song Pushing The Senses by Feeder when I wrote this. I feel it fits rather well.****

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No matter what anyone had ever said before, Haruka's relationship with the water was a completely personal one. Anything that attempted to change that was disregarded immediately. Or, rather… it's not like he ever took notice of it enough to be able to disregard it. It just didn't affect him. The one certainty, the one enduring variable in his life, was that there would always be water, and that it would always accept him.

Haruka's late grandmother had once taught him a lesson that, until recently, he'd thought he'd understood: _When you're ten, they call you prodigy. When you're fifteen, they call you a genius. Once you hit twenty, you're just an ordinary person_. The fact that he'd once yearned to be 'ordinary' seemed almost laughable now as he curled even more in on himself, face pressed firmly against his pillow as if in a vain attempt to meld with the fabric, as if he could simply dissolve. Haruka once thought that the lesson to be learnt from his grandmother's words was something along the lines of: there will always be someone else, someone younger, waiting to replace you immediately. Talent can't be sustained… or, something like that. Now he was beginning to think that, actually, perhaps that potential never went anywhere once someone hit twenty. But the variable that changed was life.

At ten, at fifteen, everything is all very safe and quaint. It is easy to fall into a routine. If you want to swim, then you swim, if you want to paint, then you paint, if you want to lazily sleep your days away under the sun then you are more than welcome to do so. Because no one really expects all that much from you, regardless of any dubious 'genius' title. But of course, high school doesn't last forever, and sooner rather than later you have to swim or paint or do anything you once did 'just because' for the future instead. If you didn't, you _needed_ to choose something else. Life wouldn't wait, deadlines were due, universities were demanding. Those 'geniuses'… they didn't lose anything at twenty, but they were crushed by the expectations placed upon them and eventually ended up in an ordinary job, living an ordinary life, and being ordinary. Ordinary and broken. Beyond those familiar high school walls lay a world that honestly terrified Haruka.

It wasn't the easiest thing to explain, and even he couldn't quite understand it. On an intellectual level, he was well aware of the situation. It wasn't like he didn't know of his talents, he wasn't blind to the potential that the water held for him, and he knew very well that it would be sensible to utilise what he had at his disposal and call up the scouts that were after him, to set times, to firmly take a hold of what could be a bright future.

_But_.

Intellect could only get one so far. Even if something made all the sense in the world, it didn't automatically make it _right_. And no one seemed to understand that. What was so wrong about wanting to live life unconstrained? Why did he have to _use_ the water for material gain? Was it really so odd to swim 'just because'? His race in the regionals… he was still torn about his actions. He liked to think that he stopped of his own accord, that it was his own damn choice to make. But maybe, just maybe… the expectations from his friends and rivals, from his teachers and scouts, from faceless people that he didn't know the names of… maybe he just didn't want to let them down. If he tried and failed, it would be hard to bear. To not try at all and fail, while twisted, made things somehow better.

Not that it really mattered; the water didn't accept him any more.

Or could it be that _he_ didn't accept the water? Haruka gripped the sheets at this new train of thought, not really liking it at all and preferring to banish it but infuriatingly it was developing. So far the water had been inviting, and took him to places that he was comfortable and familiar with. But now… the water wanted to take him to different places, alien places, foreign places, places that he just didn't know how to deal with. Even the water was trying to push him somewhere, and so he resisted and, it would seem… rejected it.

Haruka really didn't require much. He was quite content for his world to remain the safe sphere that it was and previously hadn't minded that the water would only take him to the occasional tournament. He knew what to do and how to do it. He could be free in this sphere, because he had control over it. But as the boundaries were expanding, and more unknowns were cruelly invading his life, that control and that freedom was slipping helplessly through his fingers. The only freedom he had at this point was to choose, and so he was choosing to lash out and lie here. Because how could he be free in a world that he didn't understand and that held secrets that he wasn't sure he wanted to discover?

The only other time that came close to him feeling this lost was when Rin had told him that they would never swim together again, and that sense of loss had thrown him quite badly. Despite his relationship with the water being personal, and no external variable was allowed to change that… Rin had a frightening degree of control over it, and maybe he resented him a little for it. When Rin had dragged him into that relay all those years ago, the possibilities that the water held increased. Similarly, after that race they had shared when Rin first came back from Australia, the possibilities decreased. It was something Haruka puzzled over when he felt in the mood to acknowledge it: _why_, exactly, did Rin wanting to swim with him fire him up? And _why_, for that matter, did Rin wanting to quit or not swim with him make the water feel… different. Lonely? Hm.

But then Yamazaki had gone and basically confirmed that this whole time, it worked both ways. Did his not wanting to swim _really_ affect Rin so much? Was he… was he really that important to him?

He closed his eyes and sighed, the words he'd yelled at Rin back at the tournament playing on a loop in his mind. He hadn't meant to yell but… Rin was just the sort of person he _could_ yell at. He could scream and hit back and let things get as ugly as necessary because with Rin, he just didn't care. Or… was it because he did? Was he actually hoping for the other to shed some clarity on his situation after that outburst?

Well, either way, those hopes were in vain. He was still drowning, still in darkness, cocooning himself pathetically up into his sheets. Nagisa, Rei, Makoto… they wanted what was best for him. Rin wanted what was best for him. But they didn't understand; they couldn't grasp his irrational fears and scattered emotions as everything that he'd known was slowly shattering around him. He felt bad for snapping at them, but in some sick way he also felt justified in doing so.

_Ding-dong._

"Tch," Haruka clicked his tongue and pulled his blanket further over his head. Whoever it was would go away soon.

_Ding-dong._

Well it wasn't Makoto (which, given recent events, was probably a good thing), seeing as the taller teen had a somewhat worrying propensity to invite himself in and not bother with ringing the bell more than once (not that Haruka was ever really _that_ mad about it).

_Ding-dong._

Was it Rei? Damn, he really didn't want to face him. _Go away!_ he thought, as if that could repel him. He even squirmed his way lower down the bed as if that would make some sort of difference.

_Ding-dong.__Ding-dong. Ding-dong. Ding-dong.__Ding-dong. Ding-dong. _

God dammit was it Nagisa?! Couldn't a guy go through an emotional breakdown in peace? He threw the covers off and was uncharacteristically coming up with a few choice words to throw at the idiot abusing his doorbell as he moved to confront them.

"Who is it?" he asked as he opened the door and shielded his eyes. He hadn't realised how bright it was outside today. Hiding under the covers perhaps had something to do with that. His eyes widened slightly, "Rin…"

"Yo, Haru," Rin said casually as if he stood on his doorstep with a giant rucksack at his feet everyday. "We're going out. Hurry up and get ready. Let's go." And he was already walking off.

Had he… missed something? "Go? Where?" he asked, his choice words forgotten about. He didn't want to go anywhere at the moment.

"Isn't it obvious?" Rin asked, turning around to grin at him, "Australia."

How exactly was that obvious? This had got to be a joke. Who just shows up and decides they're going on a trip to a different country? Well, Rin, apparently. Haruka wasn't sure if he should laugh or be worried that it actually seemed like the sort of thing Rin _would_ do.

"Don't just stand there," Rin said, making a shooing gesture with his hand, "Go and get ready."

Haruka wanted to question this, but he was far too intrigued. He was pretty certain that they _weren't_ going to Australia, but he was curious to know what the other had planned and so he found himself humouring him, expecting to end up at a café that sold Australian tea and had posters of kangaroos on the walls or something.

So how he ended up actually sitting in the airport and waiting for passengers boarding the afternoon flight to Australia to be called was beyond him.

"We're going…" he said slowly.

"To Australia, yeah," Rin finished, leaning back in his seat and idly scanning the take-off and landing times of different flights.

"Right…" There was a pause, another glance around to check that they _were_ actually at the airport, and then, "_Why_?"

"Because of what you said to me."

Haruka narrowed his eyes and stood up. "I'm not going," he said decidedly, "I already told Makoto that you can't just _give_ someone a dream."

Rin grabbed his wrist quicker than he'd anticipated. "I know that," he said seriously. "Dreams aren't the sorts of things that you can just give and take. I know that better than anyone." His hand tightened only slightly and Haruka realised that Rin was probably referring to his dad and his dream, the one he'd tried to emulate. Red eyes caught blue in a steady gaze, "You say that you have no future, that you have no dream… and that's fine," he said carefully. "I wasn't actually talking about that. I meant something else that you said to me."

"What?" Haruka asked, finding himself sitting back down.

"Last year, when you told me that it was your turn to show me a sight that I'd never seen before," he said wistfully, a contented look on his face, "That sight… you saved me that day, Haru. You didn't give me a dream, you didn't force one on me, but you _did_ help me realise one. And so it's my turn again," he grinned, "I want to show you a different sight. I want to show you a part of the world, how beautiful it can be, how excitingly endless it is."

Haruka stared at him for a moment. To venture out into the unknown like that… they clearly thought differently about it. But was that really a surprise? "How romantic," Haru said, scoffing just a little.

"Isn't it?" Rin said happily, placing his arm around Haru's shoulder. "Thanks to you, my world has expanded. I want to try and do the same thing for you."

Haruka looked at Rin's arm, then back to the owner, and furrowed his brows. "I don't get it. Why would you do this? Even after I—"

"Hey, we all need to let off steam," Rin shrugged, "And you looked like you needed to vent, even if it took me by surprise. So don't worry about it. Besides, would we even be _us _if we _didn't_ yell at each other every now and then?" he chuckled.

For the first time in a while, the tiniest hint of a smile ghosted over Haruka's lips, his pulse picking up slightly, feeling this odd yet not unpleasant warmth pooling in his chest. He shrugged out of Rin's arm but before the other could question it Haruka entwined their fingers and Rin looked suitably stunned for a moment.

"Hey, Rin," he said seriously. "This sight of yours… it better be good, seeing as we have to travel ten hours to see it."

Rin was still looking down at their fingers before shaking his head. "You bet," he smiled, voice a little softer than before. "When we get there let's swim together, Haru."

_Will all passengers boarding the three forty-five flight bound for Australia please make their way to Terminal Two_, a mechanical voice rang out.

"Yeah."

Despite how ludicrous this whole thing seemed, and regardless of the fact that Haruka actually didn't know a word of English, there was this strange anticipation thrumming through him all of a sudden. His fears and insecurities weren't gone, but a small light was beginning to illuminate the darkness. As he and Rin walked hand-in-hand to the terminal and prepared to head to Australia, Haruka found himself thinking for the first time that maybe things would work out after all.

He squeezed Rin's hand. "Thank you."

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**Ahh! It's always so nerve-wracking writing for a fandom you've never written for before! And it's so serious! Well I hope you guys could enjoy this even just a little bit. I adore these two so much it really isn't funny any more. Here's looking forward to the next episode! Feel **_**Free!**_** To drop a review, I love reading your thoughts ^_^**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


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